They sent us for a second scan straight away. This time an internal one again where they can get a closer look. They compared the measurements against the 5 week scan and said the baby had grown for a few weeks but probably didn't get past 7-8 weeks.
They gave us two options. One is 'wait and see' which basically just means go home and wait and see if the baby passes on its own and you bleed it out. The other option was the operation called ERPC. This is where they put you to sleep and suck out the baby and everything else. Ours didn't, but some places offer the tablet, which my sister in law has informed me makes you feel really sick.
We chose the operation as the doctor said you could wait for weeks to bleed naturally and I thought it would be good to have it over.
I remember in the midst of having this conversation going to the toilet. I just about shut the door and doubled over crying. I felt like I was in a horrible dream. My underlying fears from the past 3 months all coming real. I held my stomach and felt so sorry for the baby in there that hadn't made it.
I guess I was in some sort of shock and denial about it all. I was asking the doctor if I could go to work that night, how long out of work I'd be after the operation etc. That's all I seemed worried about.
I've never been pregnant before. This was my first experience. I worried the whole time I was pregnant. My husband said he was shocked by how much I worried. Maybe I knew that something was wrong. Maybe deep down my body was telling me. I think I probably did know but hard to say when you've never been pregnant before. How do I know what's normal? I have nothing to compare it against.
After starting the day with a 11am 12 week scan, we finished it about 4pm, headed home in silence.
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