Crap and confusion

So they are having a girl and I had my period.

All that kinda goes in to insignificance as I watch another friend go through a miscarriage.
Knowing that pain makes it worse to see someone else go through it. I want so much to take her pain away. And if anyone deserves this she does. Having just had a still birth last year.

Then another friend of mine told me she'd had 5 miscarriages. 5! I can't imagine the pain and the torture of these two ladies. As far as I'm concerned these two are super Mum's. With 5 in heaven and 3 on earth. And the other 2 in heaven and 1 on earth. These two are my hero's.

I don't understand. There are no words. Just admiration and love for two women who had to walk through hell and still are.

My faith is struggling. I know God is real. I've seen too much to doubt it. But this is too much. Too much pain. Too much death and loss. Where is He? God where are you? I love you but how much more can we take?