Waiting Game

Its been nearly 8 weeks since my baby was removed. I am due my 2nd period in 2 days. 

We tried our best this month ;-) But I'm sat here with period pains and keep running to the loo to check and see if I've come on. 

I so wish that I would be pregnant this month.

My brother's girlfriend was 1 week behind me in my pregnancy. I keep reading her updates on facebook. Every week she has some update programmed to show everyone how her baby is getting on. Its week 20. Tomorrow they find out what they are having, a boy or girl. I felt quite sure I was going to have a girl. I would have called her Elle. (I just had to convince my hubby). Its the name I've always wanted to call my first. I'm trying really hard to be strong so that if they tell me tomorrow they are having a girl, I don't feel negative towards them. I don't want to take any joy away from their moment. But I secretly am hoping they have a boy. So that for the rest of my life I don't have to look at their girl and think of my missing girl. But such is life. I'm sure I'll cope either way.

I have been going a little crazy wondering if I'm pregnant. I had been feeling a little sick the past few days so I did a pregnancy test yesterday. I had one left over from last time so I thought I'd just have a quick check. It said negative. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it was just too early to tell.

But I doubt it as my period pains are quite normal and I don't have sore boobs or anything else.

Last time we didn't really try like this. I just came off contraception and we went on as usual. I did really want a baby but my hubby wasn't so convinced so I think that was our compromise. It took 8 months to conceive that way which I don't think is a long time considering the pill had to come out of my system. 

But now we've tasted it we both really want to try again properly. 

If it doesn't happen I'll obviously be gutted. I just don't want to see that horrible sight of red blood. I feel like I've seen enough of that to last a lifetime. It still only seems like yesterday I was literally watching my dreams being flushed down a toilet. I don't want to do it again.

But the likelihood is in the next few days I will have a period. Saving grace is we weren't trying with any ovulation sticks so on the first day of my period I shall be ordering some for this month. So hopefully we can be more precise.

Still, hopefully we won't need them. I'll let you know.

Why do they call it the waiting game. There is no game involved. Unless you count the feeling that someone is playing with your heart.

Fingers crossed x